Tag: spiritual sight

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“Beyond Understanding”

Original Acrylic on Canvas

4 feet by 4 feet 

Available 

There was a certain catharsis that creating this piece gifted me, in the terms of helping me process some of the major themes of death, rebirth, and identity reconstruction that I have been undergoing for the past year or so. 

“Identity Reconstruction” is a phase that has been coming up for me a lot this past year. 

My life has felt almost surgical in an interesting way, dismantling layers of who I thought I was, to mysteriously reveal new qualities and elements of Self. 

And this process has been very disorienting in a lot of ways. It has almost felt like walking through some kind of funhouse in a circus, where you think you are going one direction, and then you suddenly find yourself somewhere else, in a completely unexpected way. 

And you think you are lost, but it’s the experience of being lost which actually de-conditions you from everything that you’ve known, and all your old reference points. 

And then you finally catch on to the game and realize that being “lost” is actually the gateway to releasing you of all your old worldviews, so that you can be initiated into a new paradigm of Self, and be transformed into something new.

People don’t go into a funhouse to know what’s behind every corner. They go into a funhouse to be surprised, to be disoriented, to experience themselves in a new way. 

So often we can think that we are lost, that something is wrong with us, or that we have taken some grave missteps in our path because we “don’t understand” where we are and who we are becoming. 

But we have to remember that being “lost” is part of the release, part of the letting go of what was once familiar to us.

So that we can be found again, in a whole new way. 

It is kind of like learning to surf, where at first, the wildness of the ocean, with all of its mystery and power, will initially seem to overwhelm you. And you must learn how to harmonize with the ferocity of the wave, and realize that there’s some element of its chaos that lives within you. And you learn how to unify with that chaos. 

And in some mysterious way, this brings order. Balance. 

And although the chaos of the wave hasn’t changed, your relationship with it is different. 

You, are different. 

So I find it interesting how chaos actually initiates us into higher forms of order. 

And as we understand this, and learn how to give ourselves more fully to our process, and we learn to lean in more deeply, into the mysterious Higher Intelligence that operates through every facet of our lives.

And in this process we tap a deep intuitive knowing – an understanding beyond understanding. We get a glimpse of the Reality that lives beyond what we think we know. Our evolution is quite literally predicated on trusting this Reality, where we allow it to transform us and we are made anew. 

And this is what it means to have faith. 

Because when we understand that we are part of a Higher Intelligence that works through our lives with great detail and deliberation, to help us become our most sanctified expression of Self, then our faith translates into knowing. 

Into knowledge. 

And faith no longer becomes blind, because it becomes the threshold which opens up our inner vision to actually see. 

To see beyond the limitations of our physical sight. 

Because there is very much a non-physical Reality that informs the physical. 

And it is through our contact with this mysterious unseen Reality that catalyzes our evolution and every facet of our growth. 

Because on the deepest level, we are One with that Reality. 

And so we uncover more of who we are as we touch the ground of this Reality. 

And thus, we evolve. We grow. 

We become something new. 

And so this is a symbolic representation of this process of releasing what we think we know, in order to become who we actually are. 

It utilizes a symbolic and hieroglyphic language to depict the almost shamanic dismantling of self, that precedes a rebirth.

At the center of this piece is a human figure dawning a halo, with an indigo bird emerging from its crown. This represents the dawning of wisdom and a renewed Self, upon surrendering what we “think” we know about who we are. 

Throughout the piece there are human figures with trees and branches extending from their heads, and limbs, to represent our fundamental union with all of life, and also with the various plant teachers and guides that help to groom our consciousness, so that old paradigms may be shattered and new ideas of Self may bloom from within us. 

Within the green side panels are depictions of a human transforming into a bird. This is a symbol of transformation that has been bubbling up from within my watery underworlds for the past year, that was wanting to be incorporated into the language of this piece. 

Another feature of this piece are the bizarre animal figures (indigo) in the upper quadrants and on the sides of the mandala. These animal figures intentionally take on bizarre, whimsical, and dream-like characteristics to make them unidentifiable, to symbolize the release of what we think we know, so that we may be open to what is new and unfamiliar. 

These “animals” also represent guides and other forms of intelligence from the unseen worlds, that support us in crossing thresholds of growth and self understanding. 

There are also numerous suns depicted throughout this piece to represent God (Source/Spirit/Creator), which is very signature and loyal to the language of my work. There are 9 suns total within this piece (see if you can find them all).

So this piece is a visual representation of so much of what I have been learning over the past year. 

And even my process of painting this piece, was very much an exercise in trusting the Higher Intelligence beyond my conscious understanding, with this piece becoming a symbol for the very lessons that it was teaching me as I was creating it.

And that’s what I love about the artistic process.

Every piece is a teacher, a guide, for me in so many ways. 

Thank you for taking the time to read about this piece, and my process with it. 

And remember, if you think you are “lost” in your life, understand that there are many levels of Intelligence that are working through you, and your experience. 

And maybe being “lost” is the very thing that is helping you to let go of who you think you are, so that something even more authentic and True can blossom from within you. 

So that the light of God, of Creator, can shine through you in even more expanded, vivid, and colorful ways. 

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With my tired and weathered face pressed against the moist jungled earth, I lay there, unable to walk. 

With my tired and weathered face pressed against the moist jungled earth, I lay there, unable to walk. 

My sense of self obliterated into millions of tiny pieces. 

Each little shard of self, like tiny grains of sand upon a vast coastline, each became their own universe that I seemed to be zipping in and out of.

The concept of “Michael” was nothing more than a laughable joke in this space.

And it became unnervingly obvious that time was some bizarre makeshift construct that seemed to be incredibly fickle, and easily broken here, as cycles upon cycles flashed across the screen of my awareness.

And yet my body lay there, unable to move with the impulse to puke continually rising up from the pit of my gut. 

“God, where are you?” 

I kept thinking.

“You must be here, somewhere.”

…

Lately, I have been noticing myself going through a very big change.

Putting words to it has been difficult. 

In some bizarre way, I find it easier to articulate myself through writing and sharing here in this weird thought symposium of social media than I do often speaking these things aloud in person to others. 

Maybe I feel too vulnerable in person. Too naked. Too awkward.

Or maybe all of my self-judgments kick in and prevent me from fully conveying what wants to be expressed. 

Or maybe I get too caught up in other people’s perceptions of me, and it distorts the purity of the message. 

I don’t know. 

All I have to say is, thank God for writing. I find so much freedom here. 

I hope to one day find the same level of freedom in my verbal articulation with others, but for now, writing feels like home. 

Anyways, I don’t know why I am sharing this, but I am just trusting the mysterious impulse from which these words arise. 

As I learned, “Michael” is just kind of some made-up thing, but yet there is a real intelligence that moves through me (all of us), that I am continuously learning to lean into more and more. 

As of recently, I have felt a bit forsaken by God. 

And yet I embrace this feeling of “forsakenness” as part of a maturation process, a sort of necessary hardening and strengthening that one must go through, in order to withstand the difficulties and hardships of this human experience.  

It feels a bit like coming out of every fantasy, illusion, and denial, and planting one’s feet firmly upon the earth. 

A loss of magic. A loss of innocence. 

But not really. 

It just looks different now. 

A deepening. A grittiness that wasn’t there before. 

A strength and wisdom that wasn’t there before. 

A humanness that wasn’t there before.

Naiveté obliterated. 

A decade ago I used to think that evil didn’t exist. 

And that was the beginning of a ten year descent, to realize that not only does evil exist, but it exists within me, and it plays out through all of my addictive and self-sabotaging tendencies.

It exists in all of us, no matter how good we think we are. 

And part of our maturation is facing that darkness, that “evil” within ourselves, and taking ownership of it so that we are in an empowered position to bring it fully back to God. 

That we may be redeemed, and made new. 

That we may breach new levels of psychological and spiritual wholeness and maturity. 

Because within our darkness, there is a spark of the Divine that is seeking freedom and higher expression. 

As we mature, we must claim and confront that darkness within ourselves, to free it and integrate it into a more developed and refined expression of the face of God. 

And to be clear, we claim our darkness not to enact it and further perpetuate trauma in the world, but to accept it and allow it to be liberated. To take our power back, and to break the patterns of abuse.

And in reality, it’s not even all that personal. 

Because remember, the whole of the world exists within you. And that includes everything. 

The light, and the dark. 

Because on the deepest level, we are One with all things.

And so when you take ownership of the darkness within you, so that it may be liberated and transformed, you are doing this for the whole of the world. 

We face our darkness for those who may not have the capacity, yet, to face what is within themselves. 

So we learn to face it within ourselves first, as an act of courage, to show others that they are safe to face whatever lives within them. 

Because if it lives within one of us, then it lives somewhere within us all. 

And thus we are liberated from shame, guilt, and fear – knowing that we are never alone in what we are facing. No matter what it is. 

Nothing is ever as personal as we make it out to be. 

And that’s where we find real healing. 

In realizing that we are never alone.

…

As I lay on the earth, the stars and the moon hang in the sky, with wet jungle pulsing and breathing around me.

My body shaking and trembling, as generations of pain and trauma become liberated from the very coding of my genetic structure.

As I go through waves of somatic release, I hear a voice in my mind repeating:

“We heal together. We heal together. We heal together.“

“It is the coming together which heals us.”

And then I realize that the answer to my initial question has been answered.

“God is here, in our togetherness.”

“God is here.”

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The Body’s Eyes Do Not Actually See.

The body’s eyes do not actually see.

And the body’s ears do not actually hear.

Working as a professional intuitive, I will tell you that I see much more into a person with my eyes closed, and my gaze turned inward, than I do fixated on their physical image.

In fact, their physical image is extremely limiting, and can often be distracting and misleading, eclipsing me from sensing into the deeper reality of their soul. When I attune my senses away from the external, and focus upon the internal, I perceive the deeper layers of a person, seeing them much more honestly and authentically, rather than pigeon-holing them into shallow judgements based off of socially-conditioned objectification.

And I will tell you – there is an inner vision that will allow you to perceive much more clearly than your physical eyes ever will.

If you knew how incredibly limiting your physical sight was, compared to the inner vision that you have access to, you would realize how hypnotized we have been as a culture, into seeing one-another through an unbelievably shallow and one-dimensional bandwidth of perception. With my gaze turned inward, I see into the innermost secrets of another’s heart.

I see the silent pain that they carry, and the hidden burdens that remain unexpressed. I see through layers of conditioning and trauma, into the deeper patterning and motivations underlying their choices. I see the profound love and inspiration that yearns to overflow from the primordial wellspring of their essence. And I see the purity of an innocence that shines with the radiance of a million suns.

And that innocence is the most beautiful thing that I have ever bore witness to. And it is unlike anything of this world.

These are the inner dimensions of a person that could never be revealed through the body’s eyes alone.

So, it absolutely astonishes me, that we have been so conditioned to perceive each other as such faded and shallow caricatures of what we actually are. Being so fixated on external image, we limit ourselves and each other to what we are not, overly identifying with the shallow biological “needs” of the body. And with this, we overlook and ignore the more authentic reality of the soul.

And then we build relationships upon these shallow and limited perceptions of each other.

Prioritizing the body over the soul, the image over the content – the ego over God, we attempt to erect cathedrals out of dust, and then we wonder why our lives feel so unstable, conflicted, shallow and broken. We wonder why our relationships fail time and time again.

We think it’s because we just haven’t found the “right” person yet.

No.

Let me save you some time.

It’s not about finding the “right” person.

It’s about putting priorities in their proper order. It’s about prioritizing the soul over the body, the content over the image, and God over the ego.

The priorities of this world have been completely inverted, which is why this realm is so chaotic. And the inversions have been normalized through conditioning, trauma, media, and addiction.

Do you think you could prioritize anything before God, and truly be at peace?

Once again, the body’s eyes do not actually see. And the body’s ears do not actually hear.

Loosen your grip on the hypnotic trance of the external world, and gently shift your awareness inward, and look upon the shining landscapes of the soul’s reality. Of God’s reality.

And prioritize the beauty of the soul before anything else.

Do this, and watch you, and your life, transform. Because miracles are real. And magic is real.

And it starts with placing value, where true value actually abides.