Original Acrylic on Canvas
4 feet by 4 feet
Available
There was a certain catharsis that creating this piece gifted me, in the terms of helping me process some of the major themes of death, rebirth, and identity reconstruction that I have been undergoing for the past year or so.
“Identity Reconstruction” is a phase that has been coming up for me a lot this past year.
My life has felt almost surgical in an interesting way, dismantling layers of who I thought I was, to mysteriously reveal new qualities and elements of Self.
And this process has been very disorienting in a lot of ways. It has almost felt like walking through some kind of funhouse in a circus, where you think you are going one direction, and then you suddenly find yourself somewhere else, in a completely unexpected way.
And you think you are lost, but it’s the experience of being lost which actually de-conditions you from everything that you’ve known, and all your old reference points.
And then you finally catch on to the game and realize that being “lost” is actually the gateway to releasing you of all your old worldviews, so that you can be initiated into a new paradigm of Self, and be transformed into something new.
People don’t go into a funhouse to know what’s behind every corner. They go into a funhouse to be surprised, to be disoriented, to experience themselves in a new way.
So often we can think that we are lost, that something is wrong with us, or that we have taken some grave missteps in our path because we “don’t understand” where we are and who we are becoming.
But we have to remember that being “lost” is part of the release, part of the letting go of what was once familiar to us.
So that we can be found again, in a whole new way.
It is kind of like learning to surf, where at first, the wildness of the ocean, with all of its mystery and power, will initially seem to overwhelm you. And you must learn how to harmonize with the ferocity of the wave, and realize that there’s some element of its chaos that lives within you. And you learn how to unify with that chaos.
And in some mysterious way, this brings order. Balance.
And although the chaos of the wave hasn’t changed, your relationship with it is different.
You, are different.
So I find it interesting how chaos actually initiates us into higher forms of order.
And as we understand this, and learn how to give ourselves more fully to our process, and we learn to lean in more deeply, into the mysterious Higher Intelligence that operates through every facet of our lives.
And in this process we tap a deep intuitive knowing – an understanding beyond understanding. We get a glimpse of the Reality that lives beyond what we think we know. Our evolution is quite literally predicated on trusting this Reality, where we allow it to transform us and we are made anew.
And this is what it means to have faith.
Because when we understand that we are part of a Higher Intelligence that works through our lives with great detail and deliberation, to help us become our most sanctified expression of Self, then our faith translates into knowing.
Into knowledge.
And faith no longer becomes blind, because it becomes the threshold which opens up our inner vision to actually see.
To see beyond the limitations of our physical sight.
Because there is very much a non-physical Reality that informs the physical.
And it is through our contact with this mysterious unseen Reality that catalyzes our evolution and every facet of our growth.
Because on the deepest level, we are One with that Reality.
And so we uncover more of who we are as we touch the ground of this Reality.
And thus, we evolve. We grow.
We become something new.
And so this is a symbolic representation of this process of releasing what we think we know, in order to become who we actually are.
It utilizes a symbolic and hieroglyphic language to depict the almost shamanic dismantling of self, that precedes a rebirth.
At the center of this piece is a human figure dawning a halo, with an indigo bird emerging from its crown. This represents the dawning of wisdom and a renewed Self, upon surrendering what we “think” we know about who we are.
Throughout the piece there are human figures with trees and branches extending from their heads, and limbs, to represent our fundamental union with all of life, and also with the various plant teachers and guides that help to groom our consciousness, so that old paradigms may be shattered and new ideas of Self may bloom from within us.
Within the green side panels are depictions of a human transforming into a bird. This is a symbol of transformation that has been bubbling up from within my watery underworlds for the past year, that was wanting to be incorporated into the language of this piece.
Another feature of this piece are the bizarre animal figures (indigo) in the upper quadrants and on the sides of the mandala. These animal figures intentionally take on bizarre, whimsical, and dream-like characteristics to make them unidentifiable, to symbolize the release of what we think we know, so that we may be open to what is new and unfamiliar.
These “animals” also represent guides and other forms of intelligence from the unseen worlds, that support us in crossing thresholds of growth and self understanding.
There are also numerous suns depicted throughout this piece to represent God (Source/Spirit/Creator), which is very signature and loyal to the language of my work. There are 9 suns total within this piece (see if you can find them all).
So this piece is a visual representation of so much of what I have been learning over the past year.
And even my process of painting this piece, was very much an exercise in trusting the Higher Intelligence beyond my conscious understanding, with this piece becoming a symbol for the very lessons that it was teaching me as I was creating it.
And that’s what I love about the artistic process.
Every piece is a teacher, a guide, for me in so many ways.
Thank you for taking the time to read about this piece, and my process with it.
And remember, if you think you are “lost” in your life, understand that there are many levels of Intelligence that are working through you, and your experience.
And maybe being “lost” is the very thing that is helping you to let go of who you think you are, so that something even more authentic and True can blossom from within you.
So that the light of God, of Creator, can shine through you in even more expanded, vivid, and colorful ways.