There are phases in our growth where we go through a sort of in-between stage, where we are in transition and feel as if we are in a lull. We are forward focused, our hearts set and vision fixed on the next steps, yet we need breathing room to integrate our past lessons, and to prepare for what is about to come. This can often be a confusing period, where we can feel stagnant, lost, and stuck, not quite knowing where to land our next steps. When we are in this phase, our willpower works against us. We try to use it to push our way out of feeling trapped in purgatory, yet higher forces close all roads forward until inner maturity has been given the proper time to ripen…
For me, I went through a year of feeling completely and utterly lost around the ages of 25 and 26. I wanted so badly to move forward in a career, to be an entrepreneur, but despite my best efforts, nothing was activating. I had just left a job in Philo, CA as a garden teacher at an education camp for at-risk youth. I went to Mount Shasta, CA and camped in the forest for several weeks to gain a sense of clarity on where to go next. From here, I decided to go to the Bay Area to try to “make it” as an artist and a speaker. Long story short, I lasted a month in the Bay and my time there ended in total disaster, where I lost virtually all of my money. Seeking familiarity and safety, I decided to go back to Mount Shasta. I ended up renting a room in Weed, a small country town about 15 minutes away from the mountain.
I worked at different schools and at a local cafe to get by, and really found myself having an extraordinarily difficult time paying rent every month. I prayed and prayed for a sense of direction, and certain insights would come through, but it often felt vague, and due to the innebulous nature of the insights, it was difficult to put them into action. So this period became a sort of drawn out lull.
One of the most pivotal experiences that occurred in this period came in a rather mysterious walk that I had taken one afternoon before working at a school. I took a walk on a trail not far from where I lived that weaved through the forest behind my neighborhood. It was autumn, and the air was cool and still. The evergreens towered above me like giant statues rising from the Earth, with their gnarled trunks and twisted branches sprouting bright green brussels. The ground was of an amber-light brown dust with grey and bumpy gravel. The sky was blue, clear and open.
As I walked down this path, one particular tree grabbed my attention. It actually caught me off guard, as this tree seemed to leap out at my awareness. The tree was completely lit up in my mind’s eye, and it almost felt as if it was sending me some sort of signal, communicating to me on some wavelength that my conscious mind had previously been unfamiliar with.
I walked over to the tree, and I stood there with it, a little unsure of what exactly was happening. It felt as if this seemingly silent and slumbering creature was actually speaking with me. There was an undeniable form of communication that was evident between us, though my rational mind was at an utter loss for comprehension. Upon soaking in this bizarre sensation, I decided to try talking back. I talked back in the best way that I knew how; through my voice, with words being the vehicle for organized thought. As energies where exchanged, I felt a deep love, an ancient kinship with the tree. I spoke words of appreciation and love to this being, this being that seemed to have reached out to me. There was almost a strange sense of familiarity. As I was in this cocoon of heartfelt communication with this new friend, I felt my reality begin to shift. I felt my mind and my perception becoming entrained to a different vantage point. Something in my awareness was being altered. It was almost like someone had turned up the dial on my scope of reality, and suddenly things seemed to be vibrating at a much faster rate.
Everything that I rested my eyes upon brought out certain qualities from within my inner vision. These qualities were energetic, yet they had a depth of presence – an ancientness, a wisdom, and a deep holiness and beauty. It was as if my mind had been attuned to a higher perspective, and there was this pulsating quality of love that was hyper present. This interspecies communication had activated something deep within me.
I was now resting in a state of awe as I breathed into this new, yet seemingly primordial perspective. I soon realized that I had to make it to work on time, so I decided to head back and get ready to go to the school. As I walked back into the neighborhood, I felt a very noticeable sense of peace, and the people that I passed by looked more beautiful and alive than I had ever seen them. They were radiant, and this greater aliveness I was witnessing made them look slightly animated and cartoonish.
As I walked into the school, I was taken aback by the purity and innocence of the children. They were all around the ages of 5 or 6, and I was seeing them through a greater clarity than I ever had before. I remember the style of their clothing striking me as being very bizarre, wearing goofy shirts and backpacks with logos, brands, and pictures of characters from movies and t.v. shows like Spiderman and Wonder Woman. The children looked like angels that had been sculpted from the pure, raw elements of the Earth and Sun, and there was a depth, an ancient holiness that they all possessed. The cheesy trends of the culture that were reflected in their attire didn’t match the depth of holiness that they emanated. I remember thinking that these children should be dressed in white and golden robes, akin to some beautiful and advanced civilization, to reflect more of their true identity. Maybe it would help them remember.
As I walked through the class assisting the children with their homework, one little boy with pure blue eyes looked up at me and studied me for a moment. In fact, he didn’t just look at me. He looked through me. As he observed me, looking somewhat intrigued and bewildered, he eventually exclaimed:
“You are an angel.”
He continued to stare at me for a moment, as if he had uncovered some hidden secret. He eventually went back to doing his homework, but throughout the class, he would periodically glance at me with this peculiar sense of curiosity and recognition. Children have an extremely heightened intuitive sense, so I know that his sensitivity had picked up on this wavelength that I was operating on.
As my journey progresses, I notice that I periodically go into spells of this heightened perception, where it feels as if the Kingdom of Heaven has laid itself over my vision. It becomes exposed, obvious, and present. This perception always feels more real, more genuine, and more natural than anything else that I perceive. And I know that this is not just an isolated incident that I am experiencing, for it is a collective evolutionary experience many are having. Our minds are entraining to higher forms of vision, and the conditioned perceptions of the past are losing their grip. We are entering into a new world, as we fine-tune and adjust the way we look at it. We are allowing our vision to adjust to the sight of a new perception, where holiness is not some obscure spiritual concept but is seen and felt in real-time, as the dominate quality that permeates everything. And this quality is seen and felt as an energetic signature, acknowledged through an inner recognition.
And so this “lull” period for me seemed to be a phase of readjusting my sight. Of reorienting my “vision”. Here I was, trying to leap ahead, to move forward, in a premature and superficial kind of way, when the real momentum was contained within my innermost perceptions. I was (unknowingly) allowing myself time and space to readjust, to refocus my mind, and to see things more as they really are.
So often we think we are trying to do one thing, while the soul is doing its own work upon us, in its own time, according to it’s own intelligence and wisdom.